Brooding Ill Humor.

My mood on myspace at the moment is morose.

Morose - Sullen, gloomy; showing a brooding ill humour

Why is it that I am sullen and gloomy, showing a brooding ill humor?

There really isn't just one reason, although there are several that are very easily identified. It just feels to me like everything is happening at once.

Why is it that in life, everything is either PERFECT or absolutely MISERABLE? In my experience, all the good things in life happen at the exact same time, and all the bad things in life happen at the exact same time...

I've had an amazing visit with my friends in West Virginia this past week...absolutely amazing. I've missed those little suckers so much! You have no idea...Spending time with them and getting back into my little niche was just like being home again. Honestly, I WAS home again.

This is one reason for my 'ill humor'. The fact that it was just a visit. Just a little taste of what I want so badly to have again, only to be taken away at the week's end as I ride away thinking, 'I'll go home again soon...I'll go home again soon.' But I know that it will be awhile before I do. Even if I were to move back, there would be so many processes and idiotic things to go through before I could finally get back. Ugh.

Another reason for this brooding ill humor is that I just broke up with my boyfriend. Actually, this happened about a week ago. Out of respect, I'm not going to disclose all the details...and he didn't do anything terrible. But I did get hurt...It's going to be awhile before I can get completely over it. That's not to say that I want to get back with him or anything like that. The point is that I gave more of my heart away than I have in a long time. Honestly, I've had a lot of guys after me in the past couple years, and I guess because I didn't get hurt with any of them in spite of their idiocy, I assumed it wouldn't ever happen again.

Boy, was I wrong. I should have known it was all a matter of how much I invested...

When it first happened I remember thinking, "Oh wow...I forgot it felt this bad."

I've discovered once again that the only way not to get hurt is to not get involved with people. People hurt people. It's as simple as that. Now, I've heard people say multiple times, 'Oh yes, you may get hurt...but it's worth the risk because of what you stand to gain.' My response to that is PROVE IT! When I'm perfectly happy on my own, why is it that several months of emotional exhaustion and eventual heartache is worth it because (wonder of wonders!) you may gain an entire LIFE of emotional exhaustion if you can stick it out??? It's laughable to me. Honestly I'm happier when I'm making my own decisions. Doing my own thing. And this is not just post break-up talk...Relationships are thrilling, but in the end I'm totally happy without them.

There are a few people that I totally love and totally trust. These are the people that are worth the emotional exhaustion of relationships...and I have no romantic interest in them, so in the end, it's never quite as emotionally exhausting as being in love.

I don't know. I'm just so confused about everything right now...Nothing I say should be taken seriously at the moment, even though I feel quite seriously about it.

I'm just wallowing. Pay me no mind.

Ike.

As all of you probably know, this past week has been rather eventful for me...

A couple weeks ago my mom, siblings and I evacuated for Hurricane Gustav...it was my first 'hurricane' since we moved to Texas, and my first evacuation. I actually had a pretty good time that weekend. As it turns out, that evacuation was nothing more than a practice run for the real thing. My dad (who stayed to 'ride it out') told us that the storm consisted of rain and a little more wind than what he would have considered normal.

So for the next two weeks or so, we went back to our regular lives. Going to see friends in Beaumont, hanging out at home, going on walks...just chilling out. We didn't think anything else was coming.

When we first heard that Hurricane Ike was on its way, as worried as everyone seemed, I brushed it off. I know I shouldn't have, but I just thought that it would be another false alarm and didn't worry about it.

About five days ago now, my mom woke me up saying that Hurricane Ike was on its way, and we were going to North Carolina. That afternoon, our car was packed and we were on the road. We drove straight through the night stopping only a few times to sleep, and once to see my friend Devan who happened to be in Mississippi looking at a college at the same time that we happened to be coming through. We hung out with him at IHOP at about midnight...he brought some friends with him who were very nice, and we just hung out for about an hour and a half laughing, reminiscing, and having a great time hanging out together for the first time in a year and a half!

Life is weird. I love it though! I just get a thrill thinking about how unpredictable it is, and how wonderful it is to wake up in the morning and never know exactly what situation you'll be in at the end of the day...Even better than that is thinking about how you can watch someone walking into a room and never know what they'll be to you...They could be your future best friend, future significant other...even your future enemy!!! It's just so unpredictable, the things that happen...I love it!

Sorry, I guess I got off on a tangent right there, hehe...

But anyway...Yeah, we drove straight through the night and arrived here at my grandad's house at about 5 o'clock in the evening the next day.

So far the visit has been great...We have had a fantastic time hanging out with my family. I met my little cousin Maverick for the first time, and he is the cutest thing ever...He is WHITE with blond hair and blue eyes...He's two years old but looks younger. He makes the cutest faces, and if you put on 'Burnin' Up' by the Jonas Brothers, he will dance and sing for you! It's adorable...

My other cousins are dolls as well. Bryan is getting so big...He's 8 years old or so now, and he plays football. He is a ball of energy, and has the most prominent dimples...dark skin, and lighter eyes...what a killer combination! In a few years he's going to be a real heartbreaker...

Jenna is six years old with the same same dark skin, light eyes combo as her brother, except she also has beautiful dirty blond hair! I must say, she reminds me of myself when I was little in a lot of ways, except probably even more spunky! The first night we got here Jenna declared that Kaitlyn was 'the little goodest sister' and I was the 'goodest sister'...and made a rule that Kaitlyn was NOT allowed to say bad words in her room, but that I could say whatever I wanted, hahaha...It was hilarious! Then yesterday, we sat down to play a card game with her, and halfway through the game we realized that we didn't know the rules. Well, neither did Jenna, hehe...Here's how she explained the rules to us, "If you get a zero, you win...but if you get a two, we all win right here!" Hehe. She's a cutie;-)

My aunt (Bryan and Jenna's mother) is insane! We walk around talking trash to each other all day, it's hilarious! Yesterday she was on the phone and she said, "Yeah, my teenage nieces...they're so stupid." I looked up to find her looking at me, smirking, and said, "You know what? Shut up. You just get stupider as you get older..." Hahaha! I have so much fun here...My family is nuts...

So yeah. I've been having a good time up here. During the day when everyone is at work and school my sister and I will go chill in the camper by ourselves and talk about astrology and write things down and play cards and talk endlessly about what amounts to nothing...I love it. We like to go in there alone because it feels like it's our own little apartment=D

I have talked to a few of my friends and they said that it will take awhile for our area to go completely back to normal, but that it looks a lot better than it did when the last big hurricane came through and that my favorite coffee place survived (HALLELUJAH! hehe). Our house is fine as well, and power is being restored in a lot of places already. So I'm happy=) I think normality will be restored before I know it.

I hope if any of you had to evacuate you're having as much of an enjoyable time as I am, and if you're working on cleaning up and stuff, I wish you lots of energy...and I hope you're enjoying yourselves as well=) Thank you for making an effort...I feel bad that I can't be helping too.

Dylan, I love you and miss you a ton!<3

lazy day.

Haha. Here is a journal entry I wrote at noon today=D

Okay, before I write this, get your mind out of the gutter...

There are so many things you can do while still in bed!

I have been awake for awhile now this morning, but have not left my bed once except to turn my alarm off a few hours ago...

It's simply delightful!

It's dreary outside, and I think on days like this staying in bed can be an activity in and of itself! I have listened to music, looked at a Delia's catalogue, had mom come in and comment that I look like an elf, and now I have written in my journal, all without leaving my cozy little bed!

Oh yes, and in between activities, I just slip under the covers, tuck them under my chin, and savor the warmth...

I can already tell it's going to be a beautiful day, even once I leave my bed! =)

Now...coffee I think.

Randomness=)

I don't know what to say...but I feel compelled to blog...so I guess I'll just...update? Hehe.

Life has been very good lately. In general, that is. I love my new boyfriend Dylan, and have been getting to spend a fair amount of time with him (even if it doesn't seem enough), which is amazing=D He's so great...

I've been on the go a lot because we have friends from WV staying with us, and that's a lot of fun.

Work is still just work. I'm so glad I only work a few days a week, because at this point I pretty much hate it more every time I go. Not to mention I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to lose my patience with some of the not-so-pleasant customers...I had a hard time keeping quiet today when after a long, obnoxious and confusing order, I asked a question only to receive a condescending, "You didn't understand a thang I just said, didja? Ya need to work on your communication..." Hmph. I swear, my orbicularis oris was working overtime to keep my mouth shut.

And they make us wear obnoxious hats!!!

Okay. I'm done complaining now. Let me just finish that thought with the simple realization that I am not cut out for waitressing, and I am 100% ready to accept that, hehe.

I keep thinking about fall...I am pretty much a fall freak=) I look at pictures of fall, I buy clothes that remind me of fall...It's kind of pathetic, lol. I am trying to learn to keep my head in the current moment, however, and enjoy the rest of summer.

But still, I can't wait=D I just want to wear something with long sleeves and go to the park without melting.

As far as my writing endeavors, I could be more active. Aside from blogging, I've been journaling though. It's a lot of fun when you have a cute one that you feel comfortable with. It's kind of weird, but until I got this perfect journal, I didn't realize how picky I am about how my journal looks...the size of it, the way it's decorated, even the line spacing...It all has to be a certain way for me to really enjoy it, lol.


Co'op started back up today. It makes me sad...I sort of wish I was there. I know we had a couple problems with the way things were done there, and I know that things won't be the same as they were last year anyway...But I'm just going to miss my friends:-( A bunch of them went away to college.

I also miss Ballroom Dancing and doing the play Pride and Prejudice. Those were some good times...

Hmm...what else? I dyed my hair. Just darker, nothing too drastic. It's basically just back to my natural color without all that orangey color in it that was there from when I dyed my hair back in November, ugh.

Anyway. I can't think of anything else. So...until next time I guess=D

ENFP - "The Advocate"

I got the same exact result as my boyfriend and my mom, haha. It's rigged, I tell ya.

Yet it Shall Be: Thou Shalt Lower to their level Day by Day - What is Fine within thee Growing Coarse to Sympathize with Clay.

Today, while I was waiting on my sister's training at the restaurant to be done (we are working together now, by the way! YAY!!!), my mom and brother and I were at a complete loss as to what to do. We were at the stop light in the middle of town when I said, "What are we going to do?" We had a whole hour to kill.

"I don't know," Mom said.

I started racking my brain for the more pretty, quiet, low maintenance or artistic parts of town. Now, I'll admit that these areas or obsolete or at least very rare in any given town in Texas...However, there is at least an art gallery and a library in the town where I work. I suggested going to the library...at first mom protested, saying she had just returned books that were six months overdue, but I bugged her until she gave in. (Kids, if your mom is in the right mood, remember to use this tactic.)

The whole point of this story is to build up to the high point of my day. It really wasn't a high point at all. It wasn't thrilling. It wasn't exciting. It didn't produce great amounts of adrenaline. I simply meandered my way through stacks of books. The simple feel of the library was enough to satisfy me. I haven't been to a library in ages...

I didn't end up looking at a great many pages. I got lost in the poetry section. My mom and I sat on the floor reading poetry. I picked up a book by Alfred Lord Tennyson and found a beautiful poem called 'Locksley Hall'. We only spent about 15 minutes at the library, but I find these few minutes worth writing about simply because they were 15 minutes full of the moments that I crave...The moments I seem to be at a loss for these days. Quiet moments. Pondering moments. Non-busy, non-chaotic, pure, happy moments.

I feel like I got in touch with the real me again today. Not waitress-me, or love-interest-me, or dramatic-aggravated-psycho-me. Just me.

It was perfect.

Now, the poem I read is six pages long, so I am going to just leave you with my favorite line:

Better thou and I were lying; hidden from the heart's disgrace
Roll'd in one another's arms, and silent in a last embrace.

The Strangers

Okay, so...There are very few 'horror' movies that are able to find the delicate balance between soft suspense without any real thrills and utter gruesome terrifying nightmare-inducing gore. I happen to think that The Strangers is one of them. My mother, for the record, does not.

I just think it was well done. The dialogue and situations were realistic...there was good character development in the beginning with the two main characters, and Liv Tyler was beautiful.

If you like horror flicks, you should definitely try this one...It will keep you TERRIFIED, but in a good way...and it hasn't given me a nightmare yet:-D