So here's the thing...I'm bored and stir crazy, and lots has happened, kinda sorta. So I was thinking I would give you guys an update!
I started school back in August. College has been interesting. I have learned all about the joys and sorrows of the institution; although when I think of it they have mostly been sorrows, I guess. I really don't like my English professor, math has gotten pointless (when will I EVER need to know all this in real life??), and school in general is just stressful. Besides that, I haven't met anyone here that I can truly call a friend or who has made a lasting impact on me. I'm so thankful to be here...really, I am. Having this kind of education is a blessing and I know it could really help me later in life. But it has really made me question my preconceived notions about education and made me think harder about where I want my life to go from here. I'm not even sure that I definitely want to go to college anymore, to be honest. We'll just have to see! I know I won't be a failure if I willingly decide to do something else. My main concern is that society will not see my decision in the same way=/
Other than that, I have started becoming closer to God. After a very angry-with-God period in my life a few years ago, I came back to Him, fell completely in love and decided never to be angry at Him again, even if I didn't understand Him. And for the most part, I've stuck to that decision. He can be very irritating with His sporadic whims on occasion, but I trust that it's all in His perfect plan now. Although my love for God never went away completely, these past couple years I've been pretty indifferent to Him. I guess that was because things started getting really nice in my life; everything just fell into place. I was meeting new people, making new friends, falling in love...I was just kind of like, "Thanks for the help God, I can take it from here!"
Turns out I was wrong about that. My life TOTALLY fell apart, and even then I tried to play it cool with God, like I didn't need Him or something. What can I say? You live and you learn. It got to the point where I was sobbing one night and I knew it was either kill myself, become extremely bitter, or just admit that I couldn't do it alone. The last option seemed the best to me! Sooo. Here I am! I'll admit that God and I are still working on things...and just like in any relationship, we always will be! But I love Him, and He loves me. And that is what matters.
I have also realized lately that I have become extremely anti-social. Don't get me wrong...I have friends...like, 3 of them (in my immediate vicinity that is). HAHA! But seriously...Between work, school, and my complete and utter lack of interest in the rest of the human race, my social life has become totally stagnant. I wouldn't say that this makes me a loser, because it is completely by choice. I have had people want to hang out with me or want me to call them or whatever...you know, try to break the ice. But it usually either weirds me out or I find myself thinking that they are probably not really interested in me and just want to take advantage of me somehow. I know my attitude towards people isn't healthy, and these past few days I've discovered that as safe as this lifestyle is, it's very lonely. I've decided to start trying a little harder where friendships are concerned. Maybe I need people a little more than I think I do.
But I don't know where to start=/
Anyway...there's a brief update. Things are definitely looking up for me. I'm not dwelling as much on the past, and I'm not dwelling too much on the future either. I think I've found a pretty nice balance=)
Let me know how you guys are doing!
Turns out I was wrong about that. My life TOTALLY fell apart, and even then I tried to play it cool with God, like I didn't need Him or something. What can I say? You live and you learn. It got to the point where I was sobbing one night and I knew it was either kill myself, become extremely bitter, or just admit that I couldn't do it alone. The last option seemed the best to me! Sooo. Here I am! I'll admit that God and I are still working on things...and just like in any relationship, we always will be! But I love Him, and He loves me. And that is what matters.
I have also realized lately that I have become extremely anti-social. Don't get me wrong...I have friends...like, 3 of them (in my immediate vicinity that is). HAHA! But seriously...Between work, school, and my complete and utter lack of interest in the rest of the human race, my social life has become totally stagnant. I wouldn't say that this makes me a loser, because it is completely by choice. I have had people want to hang out with me or want me to call them or whatever...you know, try to break the ice. But it usually either weirds me out or I find myself thinking that they are probably not really interested in me and just want to take advantage of me somehow. I know my attitude towards people isn't healthy, and these past few days I've discovered that as safe as this lifestyle is, it's very lonely. I've decided to start trying a little harder where friendships are concerned. Maybe I need people a little more than I think I do.
But I don't know where to start=/
Anyway...there's a brief update. Things are definitely looking up for me. I'm not dwelling as much on the past, and I'm not dwelling too much on the future either. I think I've found a pretty nice balance=)
Let me know how you guys are doing!
