Sometimes I feel like I can't take life.
I can't take the pain of the past. I can't take the decisions I have to make for the future. I can't take the monotony of the present. I feel like my life is nothing. And I feel like my future is nothing.
Then I remember that life is happening now.
I'm looking at my Psychology textbook right now. I've been reading it. I've been studying it. I've been working hard to absorb all the information in it. I've been doing the same with the rest of my schoolwork as well. I've been working hard at my job and saving money. I've been getting organized and prepared and signing up for tests and applying to colleges and considering my options and thinking about what I want to do.
All of this is life.
Time marches blindly on; ignoring my pain, ignoring the fact that I'm going with it, kicking and screaming, clinging to anything that will at least provide the illusion that it's standing still and not moving on without me.
Time marches blindly on...but I'm so happy that I'm at least making use of it. I don't feel quite as useless when I do this.
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2 comments:
Hey baby -
I love your blogging - I love the way you write and put yourself out there. You are amazing. You should put some of your papers you've been writing lately on your blog.
This is life but it is not all vanity. I know you've been struggling with that lately. Hold on - you've got a bright bright future.
XO
Ughh, I know what you mean. Sometimes I just look at my life and I go, "What the hell is going on and is this really what I want?"
But somehow, somehow, everything keeps moving. Like you said. Life is happening now. And it's not going to stop and let you lick your wounds - it doesn't wait for you. Which is good, because we move on, too.
We're all survivors. ;) It's funny how strong we can be when we want to be.
Thanks for sharing!
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