Hair.

Hey everyone...

I have had a great last couple of days. My Uncle Brent came to visit for the weekend on Thursday, and we've been having a lot of fun with him...He provides great conversations, and lots of opportunities for artistic growth. He's an artist himself, and a pretty good musician...These are both things I'm interested in, so yesterday we focused on the piano for awhile, and today he sat down with us and taught us a drawing technique. It's really cool to have him around:-)

Yesterday we went to our co'op's End of the Year program. I was picked a few days ago to go up on stage and give a speech. I gave a speech that was based on my true beauty essay a few posts down. People liked it...I prayed and God gave me peace and I was able to deliver it without melting, hehe...

Guess what I did today??? I cut/trimmed my own hair!!! There was something very liberating about it...If you guys know me, you know that I have a lot of beliefs. One of my beliefs is that most things about our society are designed to condition us to be obedient. To follow orders without question, and not ever do things ourselves, or even try. So for a couple weeks I've been looking at my hair thinking, "Geez, I really need to get this trimmed..." And so after my shower today, I just did it myself. It was so cool! I know this is going to sound juvenile, but it was like I was saying, "See? I can do things myself...I don't have to pay $20 for a haircut! You're NOT going to force me into submission!!!" (To who was I saying this to? I don't know. Everyone I guess.) Or maybe I was just in an experimental mood, lol...Because later on I ran red marker along the ends of my hair. It looks pretty good, if you ask me...

So yeah, that's what's been going on lately. Rebellion in the smallest form.

So If You're Lonely, Why'd You Say You're Not Lonely?

Why do humans have to make things so complicated? I don't think anyone can deny that it's human nature to complicate things that do not need to be complicated.
If we are upset and someone asks us about it, usually our first response is, "I'm fine." We don't want anyone to know that there's anything wrong...Ever. Why? I'm not saying we should all become emotional basketcases and get upset all the time and make sure everyone knows about it...that's not pleasant, either.
But why do we have to lie? Is it because we don't want to expose our vulnerabilities? Are we embarrassed that we even have them? EVERYONE has vulnerabilities.
The other night at youth group, I almost didn't share something that was going on in my life because it's the natural thing to do to just act like everything's alright. We can never let things get too serious. We always have to be happy, and no one can ever know about our secret sorrows or the things that cause us pain.
I was talking to my friend about this in relation to love the other day. Here is something he said:
"When a child likes someone, he picks her a flower, brings it to her, and says, 'I like you', and she says, 'I like you too.' It's simple. The Bible says to approach the kingdom of God as children...I think He meant for us to approach life that way, too."
I really like that idea. Why can't we just admit it when we like or love someone? I love the beautiful simplicity of it...
Telling someone about your feelings for them. What a novel idea.
Okay, so maybe it's not the right time or place or anything like that...maybe God is saying to wait. That's fine. But still, why does it have to be so complicated? Does love have to be something we're all ashamed of and try to cover up?
Does emotion itself have to be something we're ashamed of? Everyone has feelings...so why are we embarrassed by them?

It reminds me of the song, 'Stained Glass Masquerade' -

"Are we happy plastic people under a shiny plastic steeple - with walls around our weakness and smiles that hide our pain..."

That's just a part of that song (which is magnificent by the way), but it's amazing. Why do we feel the need to be happy all the time? To be plastic and predictable...to never feel hurt?
Just think about the things you do...instead of automatically excluding the idea of simplicity, think about WHY you won't allow yourself to do a certain thing...Is God actually saying this or that, or is it just your human nature complicating things and shutting people out?
Anyway...I think I've made my point by now. I'm tired. That means rambling.
Goodnight!!!

You Mean the World to Me

The only reason I got up as early as I did yesterday morning was because my mom woke me up saying, "We have warm blueberry muffins in the kitchen!"
My sister and I stumbled out into the kitchen and sat at the island eating our muffins sleepily.
That's when my dad came up beheind us and started hugging us, and said, "I love you girls."
Then he stood up and stood across from us on the other side of the island. "I love you girls a lot," he said. "Well, a little anyway," he teased. Then smiling, "No really, I love you girls a lot. And I want you to guard your...what's the word...What's that word, Julie?" When he said this, he reminded me of my Papa, who always wanted the right word. Even when he had a brain tumor and he couldn't remember any word he wanted, he always wanted his speech to be perfect, and apologized incessantly when he couldn't find the right word.
"Innocence?" Mom suggested.
"Yeah that..." he said. "And also your...virtue." I could tell he was 'settling' by using the word virtue, because he couldn't find the right one. "So I got you girls something to remind you." Just then he pulled out two beautiful little jewelry boxes. The one he laid in front of me was pastel blue with a pretty little blue ribbon tied around it. My sister's was the same except it was light pink instead. We opened the boxes, and in mine was a silver necklace with a silver heart shaped charm on the end of it, which had a keyhole in the middle and pink little stones aroud the edge. Next to it was a key, which also had pink stones on it. My sister's was the same, except that it had light purple stones.
"Now I want you girls to keep these necklaces," he said. "And I'm going to keep the key, and on your wedding day, I'm going to give the key to your husband."
Then he put the necklaces on us himself. Now this was truly an effort for him, because as my mom describes it, it's like he 'has big toes for fingers'. =D
My sister and I were awestruck...Not that we don't think our dad loves us...It's just that he has a unique love language. He shows us he loves us by giving to us, and by talking to us. He tells us he loves us as well, but just the fact that he would put so much thought and romance into something like this was amazing.
I truly appreciate this gift...It is a wonderful one, because he didn't just shove some necklaces at us and have it be a gift...He showed us that he truly loved us with a gift that had more substance than material worth. I will always keep this necklace and wear it as often as possible...I will always keep this memory treasured in my heart...and if my Dad leaves this earth before Jesus comes back (and for that matter, if he leaves it before I do) I will always have that memory and the knowledge that he loves me. I hope I can give him a gift someday with as much worth as that.
I love you so much, Daddy! Thank you!

PS - He eventually found the word he wanted. It was 'purity'=D

Goodbye, Goodbye

I think I have posted things about this before, but what the heck.
I am sad right now. I'm listening to 'Photograph' by Nickelback. It's a good song (or I think it's a good song at least, Devan), but every time I listen to it, it just reminds me of what I've lost...It reminds me that I have to grow older, and that things have already changed radically, and they will just keep changing from here on out.

This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up

When we visited WV in November, we drove by our old house just about the first day we were there. In just six months, it had already changed so much...not in a bad way, but it was just different. I found it amazing that it wasn't MY house anymore. We couldn't just pull up in the driveway, get out, bring our friends out to the trampoline or unload groceries.
It's not our house. And it looks smaller than it used to.

Remember the old arcade
blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin' out
They say somebody went and burned it down

Bad things happen. Places change. Last summer while I was living in an apartment here in Texas, I was talking to my friend from WV on the phone, and they told me that Berkeley Plaza, the theater we used to always go to with friends, had burnt down. It just makes you realize that even if things stay the same in your memory, and no matter how sacred a place may be to you, it will always be developed and redeveloped. Things will be torn down...accidents will happen. And things don't stay the same.

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we'd know

I remember belting it out with friends in the backseat...on the way home from a concert, listening to rock music, two of my friends chattering away like the hyper baffoons that they are, and me about to fall asleep...On the way home from summer camp, singing "The Song that Doesn't End" till the adults wanted to kill us. My friends telling me I should audition for American Idol. Always planning to start a rock band, but never actually starting one. Listening to Justin and Dillon and Cody and Devan play in the band, belting out songs about inside jokes and chicken nuggets...
Having one last dance.

Kim's the First Girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since God knows when

I remember the first time I felt like I was in love with a boy. At the drive in I sat out on the grass on a blanket while it rained...Even though everyone else was huddled in their cars, he came out with an umbrella and sat next to me while we watched a very kissy movie...I was so nervous sitting next to him with that blanket pulled up around my ears. I was completely stiff. I didn't want him to see me blushing during the kissing parts. We both just sat still, and didn't say much to each other. I didn't know he liked me then, but by the end of the summer, we were a couple.
We kissed for the first time at his 14th birthday party around a bonfire. It was the first time I had ever kissed anyone.
Things didn't work out between us, obviously. This is going to sound quite pessimistic, but I'd bet that we will both grow up, get married to other people, and have kids...
I don't like him anymore, but I'll never forget him.

I couldn't. You don't forget your first true friends...your first love...your first kiss, or your first hometown. You don't forget the places that meant something to you. The places you spent time with your friends. You just don't forget things like that.
It's painful right now, remembering it, and knowing that while I may have more joy ahead of me, and I'm still in the golden years, that chapter of my life is closed.
Forever.
I will still keep contact with some of my friends...there are some friends that I want to stay close to until I die, no matter where I live. But I live in a different place now. People die. Buildings burn down. Couples break up. People move away. Things change.
I hope I don't depress any of you with this. That wasn't my intention. I love you guys!!! I'm just pondering some things...

It's hard to say
It's time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

Beauty

When you're a little girl, no one has to tell you you're beautiful. You know it. It's a part of who you are. I remember when I was little, I would play around and pretend I was a princess and any old boy that came along could be my prince. If I recall correctly, I also thought I was pretty darn gorgeous. Basically I was a little party girl, and we have pictures to prove it.

Somewhere along the line, that changes. You get older and more self-conscious...then your first real crush decides he doesn't like you and calls you a freak. Suddenly you're unbeautiful, and you feel lost. You want to know what beauty is and how you can achieve it. You want to know how you spent your whole life never knowing you were a hideous pig that no one liked.

That's when American culture swoops in on its vulnerable prey. It offers you a solution to your 'ugly' problem. "If you're slim enough, he'll like you!" "If you buy this makeup, you'll be pretty!" "If you wear this type of clothes, he'll want to go out with you!" You buy into it, not knowing that beauty cannot be defined, and even if you look like Angelina Jolie, not everyone is going to faint in your presence.

You want to be pretty, so you do whatever you can. Even if that means starving yourself or throwing up your food after you're done eating it, or popping dietting pills.

It doesn't end there, either.

You have to match up the color of your eyes to the color of eyeshadow that would best bring out the color. You have to find the right top for the kind of top to go with your body shape ('Are you slim, pear shaped, or curvy?'). You have to go to the store and buy a tshirt, just HOPING that it doesn't show up in TeenPeople on a 'What Not to Wear' list. And because beauty is based on perception, one person might say purple goes best with green eyes, and someone else might say blue. What are you to do then? Geez-o-pete, that's a catastrophe...You mean there isn't a set answer for these kinds of things??? Is it purple or blue, come on people!!!

Did you know that in the early 1900s, it was considered beautiful to be of larger size? Yeah, that's right, LARGER size. Things changed in maybe the 20s, when you were supposed to have a sort of boyish figure. Then came Marilyn Monroe...Suddenly 'big' isn't so bad anymore. You have to have boobs, like her. And in order to have boobs, you have to have a little meat on your bones. You know what the standard is now? A mixture of both. It's 'beautiful' to not only have huge boobs, but a really tiny body. Good lord, how are people supposed to keep up???

You want to know something even more 'bizarre'? I was reading in a magazine the other day that in some country in Africa, it's considered beautiful to color your teeth black and put a big clay disc in your bottom lip. No lies.

Want to know something else? Did you know that if a woman had a neck as small as Barbie's, it wouldn't be strong enough to hold up her neck? If she had a waist as small as Barbie's, it wouldn't be strong enough to support her huge chest? And if someone had feet as small as Barbie's they wouldn't be able to walk?

The point of all this? Beauty is based on perception. If a guy doesn't like you for who you are, who cares? Find someone that does, but always be yourself. Someday, someone's going to come along that things you're the most gorgeous thing on the planet, no matter how much you weigh or what your hair looks like or what kind of clothes you wear. Why would you want to miss him because you're too busy barfing up your lunch for Mr. Arrogant???

"Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder."

God: Male or Female?

I was just talking to a woman who said that God is a male and that anyone who thinks differently is not thinking straight. I think that is VERY narrow minded.
Now I know, people may say the same thing about me simply for believing there is only one way to God...but I believe that because the Bible says that Jesus is the only way to the Father.
Now listen...I don't believe that God is a woman, either. I believe that He is neither. He is above gender, because He created gender. When you are born, you are born male or female because of your sex organs. God was never born...He has always been and always will be. And I'm sorry to be crude, but are we trying to say that God has what we use to identify whether a being is male or female? Think about how silly that is. He's God. He is the one that created man...He is NOT a man! He is the one that created woman...He is NOT a woman! He is above all that.
We need to once and for all STOP bringing God down to our level. Stop seeing Him as one of us. He is above all of that. He is mind-boggling and impossible to understand. So STOP trying to understand Him and just LOVE Him!
A quick note: Yes, I know that we call God our Father. I believe that God has more masculine qualities, and I believe God gives Himself a masculine persona in the Bible and calls Himself Father so that it will be easier for us to understand...but these things are beyond our comprehension, and we need to realize that. I think that Wisdom is realizing that you don't know anything. Another reason I believe God calls Himself our Father is so that we will come to see ourselves as His children, and see His loving arms as a place of safety, the way we do our earthly fathers.
I hope no one is offended by this blog. Disagree with me if you want...I'll still be your friend, and I hope you'll still be mine...but don't tell me I'm not thinking straight if I don't agree. If I have ever done anything like this to any of you, I'm sorry. I never want to treat anyone as inferior to me for not believing the same way I do. I think I have done this inadvertently before, and I feel terrible about it...Please forgive me!