Goodbye, Goodbye

I think I have posted things about this before, but what the heck.
I am sad right now. I'm listening to 'Photograph' by Nickelback. It's a good song (or I think it's a good song at least, Devan), but every time I listen to it, it just reminds me of what I've lost...It reminds me that I have to grow older, and that things have already changed radically, and they will just keep changing from here on out.

This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up

When we visited WV in November, we drove by our old house just about the first day we were there. In just six months, it had already changed so much...not in a bad way, but it was just different. I found it amazing that it wasn't MY house anymore. We couldn't just pull up in the driveway, get out, bring our friends out to the trampoline or unload groceries.
It's not our house. And it looks smaller than it used to.

Remember the old arcade
blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin' out
They say somebody went and burned it down

Bad things happen. Places change. Last summer while I was living in an apartment here in Texas, I was talking to my friend from WV on the phone, and they told me that Berkeley Plaza, the theater we used to always go to with friends, had burnt down. It just makes you realize that even if things stay the same in your memory, and no matter how sacred a place may be to you, it will always be developed and redeveloped. Things will be torn down...accidents will happen. And things don't stay the same.

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we'd know

I remember belting it out with friends in the backseat...on the way home from a concert, listening to rock music, two of my friends chattering away like the hyper baffoons that they are, and me about to fall asleep...On the way home from summer camp, singing "The Song that Doesn't End" till the adults wanted to kill us. My friends telling me I should audition for American Idol. Always planning to start a rock band, but never actually starting one. Listening to Justin and Dillon and Cody and Devan play in the band, belting out songs about inside jokes and chicken nuggets...
Having one last dance.

Kim's the First Girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since God knows when

I remember the first time I felt like I was in love with a boy. At the drive in I sat out on the grass on a blanket while it rained...Even though everyone else was huddled in their cars, he came out with an umbrella and sat next to me while we watched a very kissy movie...I was so nervous sitting next to him with that blanket pulled up around my ears. I was completely stiff. I didn't want him to see me blushing during the kissing parts. We both just sat still, and didn't say much to each other. I didn't know he liked me then, but by the end of the summer, we were a couple.
We kissed for the first time at his 14th birthday party around a bonfire. It was the first time I had ever kissed anyone.
Things didn't work out between us, obviously. This is going to sound quite pessimistic, but I'd bet that we will both grow up, get married to other people, and have kids...
I don't like him anymore, but I'll never forget him.

I couldn't. You don't forget your first true friends...your first love...your first kiss, or your first hometown. You don't forget the places that meant something to you. The places you spent time with your friends. You just don't forget things like that.
It's painful right now, remembering it, and knowing that while I may have more joy ahead of me, and I'm still in the golden years, that chapter of my life is closed.
Forever.
I will still keep contact with some of my friends...there are some friends that I want to stay close to until I die, no matter where I live. But I live in a different place now. People die. Buildings burn down. Couples break up. People move away. Things change.
I hope I don't depress any of you with this. That wasn't my intention. I love you guys!!! I'm just pondering some things...

It's hard to say
It's time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye