Morose - Sullen, gloomy; showing a brooding ill humour
Why is it that I am sullen and gloomy, showing a brooding ill humor?
There really isn't just one reason, although there are several that are very easily identified. It just feels to me like everything is happening at once.
Why is it that in life, everything is either PERFECT or absolutely MISERABLE? In my experience, all the good things in life happen at the exact same time, and all the bad things in life happen at the exact same time...
I've had an amazing visit with my friends in West Virginia this past week...absolutely amazing. I've missed those little suckers so much! You have no idea...Spending time with them and getting back into my little niche was just like being home again. Honestly, I WAS home again.
This is one reason for my 'ill humor'. The fact that it was just a visit. Just a little taste of what I want so badly to have again, only to be taken away at the week's end as I ride away thinking, 'I'll go home again soon...I'll go home again soon.' But I know that it will be awhile before I do. Even if I were to move back, there would be so many processes and idiotic things to go through before I could finally get back. Ugh.
Another reason for this brooding ill humor is that I just broke up with my boyfriend. Actually, this happened about a week ago. Out of respect, I'm not going to disclose all the details...and he didn't do anything terrible. But I did get hurt...It's going to be awhile before I can get completely over it. That's not to say that I want to get back with him or anything like that. The point is that I gave more of my heart away than I have in a long time. Honestly, I've had a lot of guys after me in the past couple years, and I guess because I didn't get hurt with any of them in spite of their idiocy, I assumed it wouldn't ever happen again.
Boy, was I wrong. I should have known it was all a matter of how much I invested...
When it first happened I remember thinking, "Oh wow...I forgot it felt this bad."
I've discovered once again that the only way not to get hurt is to not get involved with people. People hurt people. It's as simple as that. Now, I've heard people say multiple times, 'Oh yes, you may get hurt...but it's worth the risk because of what you stand to gain.' My response to that is PROVE IT! When I'm perfectly happy on my own, why is it that several months of emotional exhaustion and eventual heartache is worth it because (wonder of wonders!) you may gain an entire LIFE of emotional exhaustion if you can stick it out??? It's laughable to me. Honestly I'm happier when I'm making my own decisions. Doing my own thing. And this is not just post break-up talk...Relationships are thrilling, but in the end I'm totally happy without them.
There are a few people that I totally love and totally trust. These are the people that are worth the emotional exhaustion of relationships...and I have no romantic interest in them, so in the end, it's never quite as emotionally exhausting as being in love.
I don't know. I'm just so confused about everything right now...Nothing I say should be taken seriously at the moment, even though I feel quite seriously about it.
I'm just wallowing. Pay me no mind.
There really isn't just one reason, although there are several that are very easily identified. It just feels to me like everything is happening at once.
Why is it that in life, everything is either PERFECT or absolutely MISERABLE? In my experience, all the good things in life happen at the exact same time, and all the bad things in life happen at the exact same time...
I've had an amazing visit with my friends in West Virginia this past week...absolutely amazing. I've missed those little suckers so much! You have no idea...Spending time with them and getting back into my little niche was just like being home again. Honestly, I WAS home again.
This is one reason for my 'ill humor'. The fact that it was just a visit. Just a little taste of what I want so badly to have again, only to be taken away at the week's end as I ride away thinking, 'I'll go home again soon...I'll go home again soon.' But I know that it will be awhile before I do. Even if I were to move back, there would be so many processes and idiotic things to go through before I could finally get back. Ugh.
Another reason for this brooding ill humor is that I just broke up with my boyfriend. Actually, this happened about a week ago. Out of respect, I'm not going to disclose all the details...and he didn't do anything terrible. But I did get hurt...It's going to be awhile before I can get completely over it. That's not to say that I want to get back with him or anything like that. The point is that I gave more of my heart away than I have in a long time. Honestly, I've had a lot of guys after me in the past couple years, and I guess because I didn't get hurt with any of them in spite of their idiocy, I assumed it wouldn't ever happen again.
Boy, was I wrong. I should have known it was all a matter of how much I invested...
When it first happened I remember thinking, "Oh wow...I forgot it felt this bad."
I've discovered once again that the only way not to get hurt is to not get involved with people. People hurt people. It's as simple as that. Now, I've heard people say multiple times, 'Oh yes, you may get hurt...but it's worth the risk because of what you stand to gain.' My response to that is PROVE IT! When I'm perfectly happy on my own, why is it that several months of emotional exhaustion and eventual heartache is worth it because (wonder of wonders!) you may gain an entire LIFE of emotional exhaustion if you can stick it out??? It's laughable to me. Honestly I'm happier when I'm making my own decisions. Doing my own thing. And this is not just post break-up talk...Relationships are thrilling, but in the end I'm totally happy without them.
There are a few people that I totally love and totally trust. These are the people that are worth the emotional exhaustion of relationships...and I have no romantic interest in them, so in the end, it's never quite as emotionally exhausting as being in love.
I don't know. I'm just so confused about everything right now...Nothing I say should be taken seriously at the moment, even though I feel quite seriously about it.
I'm just wallowing. Pay me no mind.
4 comments:
I love you and how you articulate those feelings.
Sometimes people suck.
kendra i am sorry you are going through all of this, and all i know about you and your boyfriend is that he is going through many struggles right now in his life and the biggest being rejection. he has not other friends aside from you and your family and just clung to the thing that reminded him closest to you. He is very sorry and regrets ever hurting you. However i think you both need sometime. He is just wait everyday to hear from you, hoping youll forgive him. Anyways good luck with everything.
Sorry girl!
I hope you get past morose soon and back to happy :)
I like how you articulate your thoughts too.
hey kendra!
sorry you're feeling this way... or that you were, if you aren't anymore.
you'll pull through - promise.
love ya.
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